Beat the snow!

OK, so if you're not already frozen to your chair, sleeping on a train somewhere or huddled under the floor
mats of your stricken car, here are some TotallyMotor tips for beating the evil white stuff that's currently
blighting Blighty.

 

Snow shoes: With our mighty public transport system creaking under the weight of a gentle sprinkle of pretty frozen water crystals, now's the time to wrap up warm, brave the chill air and hit the road, on foot. Now you'll be needing some extra equipment and these dashing authentic wooden snow shoes will help to spread your body weight over a greater surface area, stopping you sinking to your waist in these terrible drifts. In summertime you can use them to play tennis (image: Thinkstock)

 

Clown shoes: The same theory as the snow shoes, but cheaper. The lucky wearer in this photo is the only person
not smiling. Can't think why (image: Thinkstock)

 

A yak (or similar): These hardy hairy creatures laugh in the face of blizzards and eat glaciers for breakfast. That or
some oats. Saddle yourself one of these all-weather beasties and beat the traffic chaos. Can be BBQ'd come thaw
time, but probably don't taste that great. Take the skin off first (image: Thinkstock)

 

Snow mobile: When road tyres just won't cut the mustard, or indeed ice, have a think about some cat-tracks instead. The owner of this bright yellow snow-slayer has quickly and easily converted their pick-up truck into an unstoppable piece of useful winter kit (image: Thinkstock)

 

Snow socks, chains, tyres: The socks are for your car, not for you, and build-up more friction than normal tyres can, hence propelling you forward when you absolutely, positively have to get a McDonalds. Snow chains are the more Ray Mears answer to slippery surfaces. They make you look like a tough guy/ladette that's prepared for
anything. Winter tyres contain more natural rubber than normal 'summer' tyres and work much better at temperatures below 7-degrees, with a softer compound and more aggressive tread pattern. Obviously, judging by the carnage, it must be at least 40-degrees below outside, in which case nothing can save you

 

Buy a cheap 4x4: Since we've all stopped talking to our tree-killing friends who drive 4x4s year-round, it'll be tough to cadge a lift to work with them. Chances are they've had many a crawling text, email, carrier pigeon note etc since we were struck by this crippling snow, that came out of nowhere with only a few weeks of warning, and have sold their passenger seats to the highest bidders. Something like the utilitarian Toyota RAV4 4x4 can be found for about a grand, although canny sellers may drive a harder bargain now that another Ice Age is upon us. These little Jap Jeeps come in some awesome shades of purple and can plough their way with ease through millimetres of slush. Be sure to set fire to it the moment the sun comes out and deny all knowledge of ever buying it

 

Driving style: the most readily effective snow-beating option for us all.

- Use 2nd instead of 1st when pulling away to keep the driving-wheels speed lower and reduce slippage and digging deeper.

- Triple your braking distances and time and try to slow the car using engine-braking rather than the brakes where possible. And if you do brake, brake very gently. Release the brakes and de-clutch if the car does skid.

- Turn into a skid if you can. Tyres are designed to grip with the tread pointing in the direction of travel, so a crossed-up wheel can't offer you the same traction.

- Make sure you have a hands-free phone and charger, a torch, screen scraper and shovel in the car. Blankets and more clothes, too. Perhaps one of those nice furry hats with the floppy ear-bits? A flask of soup wouldn't go amiss. And some sandwiches while you're at it.

- Ensure your tyres are in good condition and correctly inflated for maximum traction.

- Use major roads for journeys where possible and beware of black ice that can lurk in shaded areas.

- Stay indoors and put your feet up. Order a delivery pizza and let them deal with the snow. And when it does arrive late, complain and get a discount. Reheat pizza in oven.


By Daniel Anslow

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